what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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