I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
