Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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