I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
