NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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