forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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