I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
