We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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