Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
