They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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