insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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