I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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