my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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