Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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