I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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