his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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