i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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