Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
