He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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