I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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