I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
