i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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