To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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