eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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