you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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