So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
