U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
