he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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