Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
