this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
