i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
