He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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