genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
