babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
