It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
