Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
