After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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