Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
