my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
