stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
