I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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