if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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