I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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