I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
