Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
