I'm jealous of your bromance
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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