she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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