Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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