Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
