apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
