Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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