I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
